hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
wakey wakey hands off snakey
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
