My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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