Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
