it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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