dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
