i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
