i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
