Soap is not a condiment
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
