we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
