Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
