Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize