If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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