it hurts more in the daytime
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
