i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
