My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize