I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
