OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
