All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
