I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
