I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
