every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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