I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
