I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
