i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
