Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
