god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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