if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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