Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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