I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
