Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
