he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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