if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
did i walk over a car last night?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Help. Why am I so naked?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
