State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
