they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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