I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
