he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
