Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
