sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Me too!
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
