Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
