He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
its liver damage thursday
Randomize