I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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