I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
