are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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