He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
