Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
