Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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