I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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