I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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