Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize