so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
