The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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