Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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