I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
