i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
