is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
