I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
