I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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