thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
