I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i just google imaged poop.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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