I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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