Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
