i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize