how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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