His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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