Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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