My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
