Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
