New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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