U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
