At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
