I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
