i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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