I bet he comes in French.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
