No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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